Nigerians+English= COMPLETE F***ING DISASTER

A few days ago, I was in my Econs teachers office. He’d seized my atlas and I was getting it back. Then, he said: “This is what we call a misdemeanor.” Only he pronounced it “mis-da-ma-nour”. Yes, he did. Part of me wasn’t surprised, as he had this irritating habit of speaking in a “posh” accent although he had a very thick Igbo accent. All I can say is that I dread Econs class because I despise the sound of his voice. Then I started thinking and I realised that situations like that are actually very common in Nigeria. We Nigerians have a tendency to butcher the English Language.

First there are the more common “gbagauns” e.g:

  1. ‘Off the fan’
  2. ‘NEPA has brought the light’
  3. ‘Reverse back’
  4. ‘Off the fire’

Then there are the rarer and more tragic cases e.g:


Every Nigerian with any access to the outside world (TV, internet, newspapers) is aware of Aunty Patience’s struggle with the English Language.

However, in case you need to refresh your memory, please check out this site:


Words cannot describe my feelings towards this man. Even trying would require about four to five more posts. He is a clown that attempts to show off his supposed intelligence by “blowing grammar”. Only God knows if he actually believes that people understand him. Here is a speech he made mourning former ASU president:

“The grand initiation of Professor Festus Iyayi is a lancinating loss of another stentorian voice, against retrograde and prebendal forces of primitive mercantilism. That he passed through transition on matters pro bono publico, bears eloquent testimony to our state of dystopia. Such is the evanescence of life. Its all vanitas vanitatum.”

Do I need to say more? This man needs to be STONED.

However, there are a few shining beacons in our period of darkness e.g: Wole  Soyinka, Chinua Achebe (RIP), Chimamanda Adichie etc.

PS: For those that insist on killing us with their messed up grammar:

Get a dictionary, spellcheck, Brighter Grammar, First Aid In English, Anything!





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